


right in front of my salad?

by fourhorsemen



Category: DCU
Genre: Bad Jokes, Crack, Jason Dick and Roy Make a Porno, M/M, Porn Video, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Humor, Yeah you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourhorsemen/pseuds/fourhorsemen
Summary: Jason was having a good day, he really was. Arestfulday.And then Roy Harper and Dick Grayson had to come and ruin it.-Roy Harper unironically likes shitty step-sibling pornos, pass it on.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Comments: 18
Kudos: 85





	right in front of my salad?

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning** : Jason and Dick call each other brothers in this fic. For jokes though. 
> 
> Featuring Rason Rodd, Hoy Rarper and Rich Dickson

Jason was having a good day, he really was. He had just finished a bust, finally took down a crime ring he’d spent  _ months _ disbanding, picking off member after member and now, he got a little staycation. He _deserved_ a staycation. He slept in, got to eat breakfast that wasn’t burnt toast, hell he’d even had time for a good long jerk-off session and wasn’t that a luxury?

And then Roy Harper and Dick Grayson had to come and ruin it. 

“Oh my god, step bro... What are you _doing_?” Dick gasped and it was so over the top Jason wanted to strangle him. Jason openly scowled at the camera, mounted on a tripod, behind it Roy was standing with a wide, shit-eating grin. Roy tutted disapprovingly at Jason's expression and Jason just glared harder. 

He had his cock in Dick’s ass, and normally, that’d be a good thing. Normally, that’d be _swell_ but today... Well today, Roy Harper, Idiot Extraordinaire, decided he wanted to shoot a porno, starring one Dick Grayson and one Jason Todd. Jason looked up at the ceiling miserably and pumped his hips once, or twice half heartedly. Dick moaned, high and fake, absolutely obnoxious and Jason bit out his next line.

“Sorry, it was an accident,” Jason said through grit teeth. Roy shot him a thumbs up, teeth gleaming, green eyes wide with excitement. Dick whimpered, wiggled his ass and clenched his cheeks. Jason suppressed a gasp, okay, that was kind of hot, then Dick had to go and open his mouth.

“Ugh lil bro,  get _out_ !” Dick whined, face turned towards him and Jason met blue eyes twinkling with mischievous amusement. Jason ground his teeth and willed his boner not to flag in face of that shitty, _shitty_ dialogue and grabbed Dick’s too-long hair, yanked at it and made him arch his back. He pulled out halfway and pumped back in, almost, almost got lost back in the motions when Roy snapped his fingers to get his attention and raised his eyebrows pointedly. Jason groaned in annoyance.

“I can’t... I’m...  ** stuck ** ,” Jason hissed and pressed the fingers of his other hand deep into the skin of Dick’s hip. There was a long silence and then Dick burst out laughing. Jason pulled out with a sound of distaste and Dick just stayed there, bent over the bed. Dick put his face into his wet towel, still flung over the bed and shook with peals of laughter. 

“I- I can’t do it anymore. That was just... that was just too much,” Dick gasped and straightened up. Roy groaned in disappointment.

“Aw, come on Dickie, we were just gettin’ to the good part,” Roy complained but Dick was still laughing, tears in his eyes, hunched over and slapping his thighs as he tried to stop and take a breath. Jason crossed his arms over his naked chest, grumbled and picked up his own discarded towel and threw it at Roy’s head. It hit him with a wet  _ thwack _ __ and Roy squawked in response, slapped it away from his face to shoot him a look.

“ Pleaseeee , you just gotta fuck now. No dialogue, promise. I won’t make ya retake again, I’ll just cut that part and cut to you going at it. Just make those pretty moans Dickie! And Jason, that constipated, angry look you had was actually perfect. You really sold that whole “ _I’m stuck_ ” thing. Born actor, baby,” Roy rambled and Jason fumed. Dick had finally stopped laughing and now he was sitting on the bed, lounging back on his elbows with his legs spread shamelessly. Jason looked at his Dick's half-hard cock and Dick wiggled his eyebrows at him salaciously.

“Mmm, what do you say lil bro? Can you get it up again? Really rail me into the bed and give our director a show?” Dick drawled, eyes darkening and Jason’s half chub shot to full hardness pathetically fast at that half-lidded gaze, at the way Dick playfully bit his own bottom lip. Jason grabbed him and spun him back around, so Dick was ass-up, laying on his stomach and Dick laughed brightly. 

Jason pressed his chest to Dick’s back, still damp from their shared shower and bent to whisper in his ear.

“Rail you, huh? I can do that,” Jason said gruffly, lowly, so the camera wouldn’t pick up on it and Roy wouldn’t complain about him ruining “usable footage.” Speaking of the redhead, he was back behind the camera, fiddling with settings and grinning all the while. Roy clapped in delight when Jason pushed back into Dick’s ass, slowly, made Dick let out a low moan that was definitely genuine. 

Jason fucked into that tight ass and Dick made those stupid moans at Roy’s prompting, but Jason could tell the real ones apart from the fake ones, and it kept him going. He fucked into Dick hard and fast, leaning back a little so Roy and his camera had full view of Dick’s muscled back. Yeah, okay, so maybe Jason flexed his biceps a little too, pulled his hips a little further back than necessary, flexed his pecs a little for the camera. Dick wasn’t the only showman in the family. 

Jason tilted his hips so he was nailing Dick’s prostrate and a few minutes later Dick came with a moan, come splashing onto the bed. Jason pulled out and jerked his cock, came over that long, pale back and shot Roy a dirty grin. His eyes flicked down to where Roy’s own cock was tenting his pants, his focus entirely gone from the camera, one hand still hovering over the tripod but other clenched in a fist in the fabric of his pants. 

Roy swallowed thickly when Jason made eye contact with him as he trailed a finger through the mess on Dick’s back. Roy’s green eyes were dark and blown wide with desire and the man pulled a hand through his own hair, shifted his hips in discomfort. 

“Got all that, Roy?” Dick said cheerfully, flopping onto his back and making the bedspread even dirtier than before. Jason grimaced, this was _his_ safe house and those were his goddamn sheets. He didn’t sign up to do laundry today, damn it. Roy hummed absently, lusty eyes still trailing over them and hand slowly rubbing himself over his pants.

“Oh yeah. Perfect, Dickie,” he said breathlessly and Jason chuckled. He tilted his head and Roy made eye contact with him. 

“My turn!” Roy was quick to sputter. The redhead paused the recording, dropped his pants down in record time to come pull Jason into a kiss. 

“Hey, wait. I thought we were supposed to do another scene,” Dick was mumbling but Jason doubted Roy remembered. Roy moaned and ground his cock against Jason’s abs and Jason grinned into his mouth.

Yeah, shooting another scene was the last thing on Roy’s mind. Maybe this staycation hadn’t gone to shit, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> So I started reading Red Hood & Arsenal Issue #1. Idgaf what ppl say about rebirth Roy Harper, his meme potential is off the charts and I **adore** him and his stupid trucker hat.
> 
> If anyone knows which stupid step-sibling porno this is referencing, you get the awards. Saw it on reddit memes, it is so dumb, I couldn't even watch past 1 min.


End file.
